Congrats! According to a recent study published by Harvard Business School, chances are high that you are a professional fashion blogger by trade. And even if you’re not, you’ve probably got more potential than you think. Here are 20 signs that you are so totally meant to be a #fblogger:
- You have experience wearing clothes. This is key.
- You can examine an article of clothing and determine with 60% accuracy where it should be situated on your body.
- You’re reasonably proficient at assessing weather conditions and the surrounding environment, using this data to inform outfit decisions that will combat hypothermia, heat stroke, basic bitchery, cerebral hypoxia, and yeast infections.
- You’re an expert at picking out 20 photos of your outfit that are all essentially the same exact photo. Except that you look SO natural and candid in this one, you guys.
- You possess a truly one-of-a-kind, unique style that can be described by any of the following terms:
eclectic, minimalist, quirky, versatile, moody, classic, rebellious, unique, boho chic, tomboy chic, anything plus chic, totally depends on my mood, unique, clean, retro, bold, modern, edgy, unique, glamorous, unique.
- You know the vital importance of recommending specific outfits to other women, especially for food shopping, second dates, and any other occasions for which their individual personalities are irrelevant.
- Q: How do you look “natural” in photos??
A: Gaze off to the side, mid-hair tuck, cross legs, lean against this wall, spontaneously laugh at literally nothing, hand on hip, aaaand we’re walking! We’re walking! We’re walking!
- You love to joke that “you’ll stop wearing black when they invent a darker color,” but pretended not to notice when British physicists made you these goddamn carbon nanotubes.
- You are simply TEEMING with new and unheard wisdom on key topics such as friends, love, life, and being “creative” and “inspired.”
- You have mastered the art of casually-yet-seductively arranging your hand near your mouth/face so that your amazing and socially-irresponsible manicure + jewelry make it into that selfie.
- You’re aware of the profound social impact and cultural elevation engendered by Starbucks drink photos that feature your manicure + jewelry.
- You know when to make a solid judgment call and post pics of your food, accessories, or food + accessories on a day when your face looks like complete ass.
- Nothing satisfies your desperate need for love and acceptance like a carefully arranged composition of flowers, Chanel perfume, a deeply profound book, and yet another goddamn bowl of berries.
- Your last Instagram pic only got 50 likes. Quick, better post a box of fucking macarons before you kill yourself…
…and because the emotions are just so real:
- You’ve perfected the art of detailing events in your life that nobody else gives a rat’s flea-ridden fuck about, but are SUPER relevant to what you wore that day. So we’ll just have to deal with hearing about your ugly cousin’s wedding and your weekend “excursion” to an artisanal cheese shop.
- You can’t not use any of the following words: on point, must-have, obsessed, everything, fab, on fleek, in love, ethereal, vibes, steez, mood.
- Coachella, I guess?
- You’re willing to post the occasional photo with a girlfriend, in a pointless attempt to refute accusations of narcissism/prove you have friends. But ONLY if she’s well-dressed and/or another fashion blogger, and ONLY if she’s within plus-or-minus 2 points of your level of hotness, because #squadgoals.
- You’d be excited to attend “high-profile” “industry” events, in which fashion bloggers are corralled together to get wasted, talk about clothes (“and this is where your thumbs go!”), and lick the asshole of the blogger hostess.
- You have a pulse and access to the Internet! Huzzah!
Now get out there, configure your MySQL database for WordPress installation, and show ’em what you’ve got!